Women’s Self-Worth:
Reclaim Your Authentic Self

Your self-worth is the foundation
you stand on in life

But most of us are living, at least to some extent, from external programming we’ve received from our family, and our society. We’re also motivated unconsciously by a desire to compensate for past experiences that lowered our sense of self-worth. This gives us a very shaky foundation.

I’m going to give you some questions to ask yourself. Make sure your answers bypass your head and come straight from your heart.

Read these words with your heart even more than with your head. Contemplating these questions can help you uncover and evaluate the deeply held thoughts and beliefs that are at the heart of everything you do.

Here are some questions and some ideas to consider to help you re-evaluate your own personal foundation.

You might even want to get a pad and pencil so you can write down your immediate, gut answers to these questions.

The first question is:
What do you feel you need to do in order to be a success at life?

Sit quietly for a moment and access an answer from within yourself.

I’m looking for a primitive, gut answer here, not an elegant answer from your head.

Ask yourself these fill-in-the-blank questions, and listen carefully to your answers.

I should always be…

A woman should always…

A good wife should always …

A good mother …

A successful woman…

The words, “should” and “always” usually point to where we are trying to conform to
an ideal, instead of living from our own
truth, and our own wisdom.

In my work with women clients I’ve noticed that, while it varies from person to person, we tend to tie our self worth to relationships, attractiveness, or achievement.

If our self-worth is tied to relationships, we believe that we must succeed at making a spouse happy, serving and supporting others, and maintaining harmony.

If our self-worth is tied to attractiveness, we believe that we must look good, and/or desirable.

If our self-worth is tied to achievement, we believe that we must keep gaining more and more career achievement.

How much satisfaction, peace, and fulfillment am I experiencing in my life RIGHT now?

It’s important that we recognize the difference between true satisfaction in the present, and the “satisfaction” that comes from feeling that we are on our way to being or having or accomplishing something.

When our self-worth is tied to externals, (our looks, our relationships, our achievements,) then we are haunted by the constant, chronic belief that we need to improve in those areas in order to be fully worthy and even more important, to be safe.

That’s why, after a while, the achievements feel hollow. Life becomes a treadmill when we’re driven by the underlying feeling that what we’re doing is not enough, (and what we need could be taken away at any time).

Now ask yourself the question in another way: What is it I need to do or be in order to have the right to be happy?

This question, I believe is really at the heart of the issue of self-worth.

What does it mean to believe in yourself?

Does it mean that you believe in your ability to successfully do the things you feel you need to do?

Or could it mean creating your own life path based on your unique, authentic self?

What if you don’t really have to prove yourself worthy in order to be safe and happy?

What if the issue of proving yourself worthy was not even a factor?

How would your life be different if you took the issue off the table and had a different conversation?

How would your life be different if you could be safe and happy, your whole life long, just by being your authentic self?

What if you left the treadmill and were finally free to create, instead of trying to compensate?

When you live from your authentic self you act from your inner guidance and not outside rules. Consider the idea of reclaiming your authentic self, free of “shoulds” and “have-to’s,” and free of standards set by others.

Use these questions to access your own wisdom and your own guidance. Build a truer, stronger foundation based on your own authentic self.

For personalized support, schedule a private phone session